fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
