she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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