I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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