I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
