Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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