Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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