My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
You smell like stripper and shame
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
