HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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