If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
