I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
