don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
