i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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