He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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