You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Blood and glitter go together right?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Randomize
