there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
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