I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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