No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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