I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
