Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
