Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
