I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
