My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
