I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
