I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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