Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
