That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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