Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
