I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
