Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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