um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
