I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
