respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
