So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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