It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
