Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
