just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
