And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
