I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
