I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Are my feet made of real feet?
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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