I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
