Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
