i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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