I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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