In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
