walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
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