I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
