So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
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