dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
