so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
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