Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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