So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
