The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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