you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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