You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
