I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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