So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
and i looked up. we had an audience...
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
