So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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