On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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